Legend of the TMonkey

Goddamn The Bloody Dentist!

Why does noone ever talk about the dentist? The dentist is talked about less than money. I don't even know why people say that money's a subject not talked about, cos' it's talked about all the time. Anyway, you'll either be able to follow this post or you won't.

Why is everything the dentist does assumed? Everything is a presumption, like you get the little card in the mail. So you go to the dentist. And then if something needs to be fixed they presume you want it fixed. They don't ask if you want it fixed, your lucky if they even tell you what needs to be fixed! They just tell you you need to make another appointment, so they assume you do and then you come back for your next appointment.

So then you're back in their chair and they say, "We're gonna give you some anaesthetic, you'll have to open widely." There's never any "This will be a big needle going in the back of your jaw" "How are you with needles" "Do you mind?""This might hurt a little" "The anaesthetic might branch off through 5 different nerves and paralyse half of your face" "Your heart might adversly feel like it's going to thump a hole through your chest" "Be careful when you stand up, you might faint."

Oh no, never any warning! And how is it they assume you know to keep your jaw still while the needles in there? They assume the anaesthetic will be fine, only afterwards do they compensate, "oh sorry, did that hurt?" What? Are they mocking us? "For flipps sake, you just shoved a 2 1/2 inch needle in the back of my jaw, would you mind letting me know next time?" They always assume it's never your first time. Where's the fricken instruction manual? What happens if someone sneezes with the needle in their gum? Can it go lethal? What exactly is the risk when a patient gets anaethetised?

Then they don't tell you they're going to drill a hole in your tooth, they just assume that you already know. Why the hell are they drilling a hole anyway? Isn't the whole point that there's already a hole there that needs to be fixed... And they assume you know what to do with your tongue, so your tongue assumes the position, regardless of what the position is cos noone actually knows what the position is. What if you move your tongue and it hits the drill and your tongue gets shredded? Can you sue them cos they never instructed you to keep your tongue away? Why do they assume that your tongue can assume the position? Maybe some people have dumb tongues.

Then, after the pain of the anaesthetic needle, your gum is numb and you can't feel any drilling. The drilling is then (supposedly) pain free. Obviously this just won't do, not for the dentist's assistant anyway. No pain, no gain, so the little plastic sucky pipe thing gets rammed into your gums. If someones gonna keep pushing a plastic pipe into my gum it better at least be doing it's job! But noooooo.... let it rain on thine arm and thy face for thou cannot be too undry.

Then the assistant whips out the little light laser gun thingee that helps whatever go dry or something, with their yellow plastic shield, and the dentist leaves the room. Is it radiation? Or what? If it is shouldn't they be telling us we're going to be exposed to radiation? And if the assistant gets a shield, where the hell's the patients one? Or is the health and safety of the patient of no concern to the dental practitioners? Obviously not...

So why is dentistry a subject avoided? If we conversed about it wouldn't we at least then know what to do with our tongue? Or is it just that noone really knows what to do with it?

Maybe I should just assume that everyone else only knows just as much as me.

Regardless of all the above, I rather enjoy going to the dentist. What's so bad about lying on your back with your eyes closed listening to music?

posted by TMonkey @ 2/08/2006 03:13:00 PM